Hard Cases
by andyjay18
Summary: Bony heads are the toughest nuts to crack.


It was a dark and stormy night, and the rain was coming down in Torrance. That's not a typo, by the way; the rain was indeed coming down in Torrance, California, a middle-class suburb of Los Angeles with a population of 145,438 at the 2010 U.S. Census. Meanwhile in Tokyo, Japan, it was a bright sunny afternoon, and two girls were on their way home from school.

"So I says to Kaorin, I says…" Tomo Takino was saying to her friend, Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga.

"Greetings," a high voice echoed inside their heads. "Would you like to make a wish?"

The two girls stood there at the sight before them. Sitting on the fence was a creature that at first appeared to be a white cat. But neither of them could recall the last time they had ever seen a cat with a second set of long, frilled ears with a pair of golden rings around them. Its face was almost featureless except for a thin, lipless mouth and a pair of deep red eyes.

"Wowwww…" breathed Osaka. "Do you know Chiyo's dad, by chance?"

"Mmm, what?" said Tomo, glancing aside toward Osaka.

"I know of this 'Chiyo' girl you're talking about," the creature's voice continued, its lips still remaining motionless. "But I'm afraid that I'm not currently acquainted with her father. However, that's not important. What I want to know is, would you like to become magical girls?"

Osaka's eyes widened. "Whaaaaa…. Y-you can make us magical girls?"

"Indeed I can," the creature said. "Just make a wish, and I can grant it."

"Hmmm," Osaka put her fist to her chin and stared past the strange white creature. "I dunno about this kinda make-a-wish situation. I mean, I've read _The Monkey's Paw_. These kinda things never turn out the way you want them."

"Since when have you read _The Monkey's Paw_?" Tomo said. "Isn't that an English short story? I know you're getting about the same grades in English as me, and I can barely read a _Garfield _comic strip!"

"It's been published in Japanese," Osaka said. "And I like reading short stories in my free time, especially horror."

"Huhhh?" Tomo blurted. "Since when do you like reading outside school?"

"Hey, I'm not with y'all all the time," Osaka said.

"Umm, coming back to the subject, would you like to make a wish with me and become magical girls?" the creature continued. "I can make miracles happen. And you might be pleased to know that I can sense much potential in the both of you. Of course, in exchange for your wishes…"

"Pfft, come _on_," snorted Tomo. "Everyone knows miracles and magical girls don't exist. I mean yeah, I liked _Sakura _and _Sailor Moon_ back in elementary school but, well, by the time I got to middle school, I was beating up kids who liked that shit. Freaking _chuunis_."

"Hey!" exclaimed Osaka. "What's wrong with having an imagination?"

"Well, you know what _chuunis_ are like. Always dashing around the schoolyard pretending to be the Flaming Crimson Amazing Flying Spaghetti Monster…of _Justice_, or some shit like that, and trying to take their minds off their parents' divorce or whatever by living in some fantasy world… They all need a swift kick in the ass if you asked me!"

"But didn't Yomi say you had a really bad case of _chuunibyou_ when you were…"

Tomo narrowed her eyes and glared at Osaka. "You shut your goddam mouth."

"But I really can grant your wish and make you a magical girl," said the creature. "I'm talking to you with telepathy right now."

"Well, who ever said telepathy was magic?" Osaka said. "People have suspected it exists for some time, and now I guess Tomo and I know for sure. Just like how we'll probably learn that aliens exist at some point too."

The creature's tail suddenly twitched. "W-well, you seem to be a well-read young lady, so you're probably familiar with Clarke's Third Law, are you not?"

Tomo started scratching her head. "Whaa…"

"Arthur C. Clarke was a famous science fiction writer," Osaka informed. "He wrote three so-called 'laws of prediction' in an essay. The third law was that 'sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic'."

"And his Second Law is that, 'the only way to discover the limits of the possible is to venture past them into the impossible'," the creature continued. "I don't suppose you're aware of some of the things that quantum scientists have discovered. Within even your own lifetimes, your kind has learned things that have distorted your very definition of reality. For instance, black holes distort time itself; could some space not be left for magic to even further 'venture into the impossible'? If you don't want to tell me your dearest wish right now, I can understand; but I urge you to think about what I've just told you. I can always talk to you later. And perhaps your friends might also be interested…"

Tomo crossed her arms over her chest. "Well…even if magic _does_ exist—which I still doubt—you'll never catch me prancing around in some cutesy revealing outfit shouting out attack names like a deluded retard! I get enough creepy leers from perverts in this school uniform!"

"But as a magical girl, you'll be able to help people in despair and need…"

"Despair? Come on!" Tomo sniffed. "There's much worse crap out there than that; homelessness, starvation, war, disease… Those things bring plenty of despair, but you never see the Sailor Scouts or Precures go after any of them! That's why I'm going to the police academy after I graduate. Well, that, and I'll be able to use a _gun_, baby! No fruity magical…tiara or whatever for me! I'll be all like, 'Come out of there with your hands up, dirtbag!' and if he doesn't I'll be all, 'Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!' or 'Do you feel lucky, _punk_?' or 'Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!' or 'It's just been revoked!' You know, making the _real_ world safer in a _real_-life way where I don't have to act like a damn _chuuni_."

Osaka's jaw dropped. She never would've guessed Tomo of all people would have so much as a thimbleful of social consciousness in the hurricane inside her head. Of course, she herself had never before had occasion to bring up her literary inclinations. Some things people didn't need to know all at once, if only because the situation didn't call for it, or because people occasionally have reputations to uphold.

"Very well then." The creature turned back toward Osaka. "And would _you_ be interested in becoming a making a contract with me and becoming a magical girl?"

"Like I said, in all kinds of stories like this miraculous wish deals always turn out wrong. And you just now called it a 'contract'; isn't that what Mephistopheles the demon called it in _Faust_?"

"But the businessmen and women who drive the world economy also call the deals they make every day 'contracts'; without them your comfortable modern life would not exist as it does now," the creature said. "You don't think they sense any kind of danger going into them, do you? And as I tried to tell your friend, you'll help make the world a better place."

"So you say, but…"

"GET AWAY FROM THEM!" a sharp voice suddenly bellowed from behind the two girls. Osaka's right ear and Tomo's left then registered a sharp hissing noise, but only momentarily. Before they could even blink, the strange catlike creature's head seemed to burst like a grape; then its small white body disappeared behind the fence it was sitting on. Then a large flash zoomed above their heads and followed it behind the fence.

Less than 30 seconds after first hearing the voice behind them, a tall, dark-haired girl emerged from behind the fence, holding a long, bloody spear.

It was Sakaki. But for some reason she was wearing a pretty yet intimidating outfit which would not have looked out of place on Sailor Jupiter. Her face bore an expression which, even by Sakaki's normal standards, sent a slight shiver down Osaka's spine.

"You didn't…make a contract with him, did you?" she asked, in a tone of voice that sent further waves of cold through both the girls' bodies.

"N-no…" stammered Osaka.

"Good," Sakaki breathed, her face softening slightly.

"Umm, Sakaki-san?" Osaka asked. "Where'd you get that outfit? And that…javelin?"

"Oh!" Sakaki gasped, some red appearing on her cheeks. "I was just getting back from a…_Sailor Moon _cosplay convention."

"That's…interesting," Osaka said. "I didn't know you were into that, Sakaki-san."

"Well," she replied, the red having enveloped most of her face, "there are some things…you…don't know about me."

"Yeah, I guess we all do have some secrets," Osaka said.

"And sometimes they just fall out when you least expect it," added Tomo.

"Yes, I…guess you could say that," said Sakaki. Then her expression turned deadly serious again. "But please promise me—if you ever see _him_ again, or someone like him, don't talk to him, don't listen to him, and walk away from him as fast as you can! Promise me!"

"Okay, Sakaki-san, we promise," said Osaka.

"Y-yeah," Tomo added, a slight quaver in her voice. "I mean, I am _not _a frigging _chuuni_, and I know magical girls don't really exist! …Right?" The two continued walking down the street.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Hey, would you like to watch _Psycho-Pass_ with me tonight?" asked Osaka.

"Pfft, you _like_ that pretentious crap?" replied Tomo.

As soon as the girls' backs were turned, Sakaki drew out of her pocket a small egg-shaped shimmering silver orb encased in frilled gold plates. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she clutched it.

"I wish you were right, Takino-san," she said. "Oh, how I wish you were right."

-O-O-O-

_Slightly based on the excellent _"The Notebook" _by DB Sommer, wherein Tomo and Osaka get their hands on a Death Note and meet Ryuk . (That story is in my favorites, and I strongly recommend it.) I thought something similar might happen if those two met Kyubey._

_I know Tomo and Osaka might seem slightly OOC here, but as the girls were saying, we all have our secrets, or just facets of our personalities that only come out when people ask, or in certain situations. We all know Osaka is quiet and imaginative; is it too much of a stretch to think of her as a bookworm? As for Tomo…well, now that I think about, Sayaka was a bit like her before Kyubey showed up._

_Lastly, I've been waiting to use that "Torrance" joke for a long time._


End file.
